Spoiler Warning: This article reveals details from celebrity trackors finals and previous episodes
There are murders, betrayals, a serious eye patch, and a fart cut all the tension.
And on Thursday night, we finally found out who came out victorious as the winner of celebrity traitors.
Of the 19 participants, only five remained. Tronors Burning the cat and Alan Carrand faithful ones Joe Marler, Nick Mohammed and David Olusoga.
Soon, it was down to just three: Carr, Mohammed and Olusoga.
But in the end, it was Alan Carr who won the prize money, in a move that broke the Internet – and left him in tears.
“I changed it, I regret it,” he cried, as he told his fellow participants that he had always been a traitor. “I’m a terrible person.”
“You’re doing great,” the faithful all cheered him on. “All right.”
Social media was quickly overwhelmed by the news. “Alan winning the whole game after being the clearest from the start,” wrote one X user.
“Unbelievable television,” wrote another.
His charity, neuroblastoma, will take all the prize money, with the final pot reaching £87,500.
Thursday night’s final episode was extended to 70 minutes on BBC one. It has a different beginning than usual, as all the celebs know who makes it to the breakfast table.
There are some uplifting, and non-traitors-esque Music, as we return a few times from each time the finalists in the castle.
As ever, Alan Carr – dressed in a dashing red dress – gave us some of the most memorable lines.
“Let’s face it, I started this game a little bit of a nervous wreck. I threw some good friends under the bus.
Meanwhile, Marler said the final was “way tougher than playing for England”, while Olusoga said he was “amazed” he had made it this far. You and I are David.
Next is the challenge, with the rest of the participants riding on a train named – Of course – to declare the traitors.
The challenge saw them destroy photos of former contestants, which they seemed to enjoy doing.
And Marler is the Fill here, who was hit once, not twice, but three times on the top of his head by a heavy wooden box.
Soon, it was time for the roundtable.
A pinky promise burns and changes, growing together. “We’ve been around for a long time, I’m not going to throw him under a bus,” said Burns, while Carright niggled.
And Carr Stick to his promise – voted for Olusoga in the roundtable.
But, after coming under the radar for most of the game, it finally caught fire with the most votes.
Carror looks like he’s in a world of pain to be the last traitor standing. “Now I’m on my own, I’m scared,” he said. “I’m an obscene cannon, a free boat.”
Social media and viewers alike were disappointed.
“Caaaattt! I don’t want to get rid of the cat
But there was no time to dwell on his departure. Before long, they’re in Endgame – which is exactly what we’re all about here.
The last four standing were standing over the fire pit. And the Nick-Joe Alliance falls apart, when it matters most, in a truly wtf moment.
Marler was deeply hurt by the sight of the prize – after which Mohammed blocked him. “It hurts to get stoned in the back in the last minute like that,” Marler said.
In the end, only three players remained in the game – Carr, Olusoga and Mohammed.
Carr, looking less smug, voted to end the game. So did Olusoga, and it all came down to Mohammed, who did the same – which meant that Carr, as a traitor, was the winner.
Once he recovered from his bout of tears, CARR could enjoy the moment.
“What a roller coaster. I feel sorry for lying, I don’t have a face in the mock and here I am a winner,” said Carr.
And he even made light of that Big murder – Her best friend Paloma Faith in Episode Two – Wludbeman’s Host arrives at Claudia in the last scene and touches her cheek.
“You have something on your face Claudia,” he said, with his trademark giggle.
The last few weeks of celebrity gossip, plotting and the occasional fart can feel like one big crazy dream. But it really happened to everyone. And we will miss it.